The beauty of life is that it is so versatile... It's colorful and brilliant, and encompasses a wide range of experiences, emotions, gifts, and losses. Without lows, we would have nothing to measure highs against. Without loss, we would not be able to know true gratitude... because loss reminds us of all that we have and could've had, in a way that nothing else does.
It's been a while since I've sat down to write... to paint... to create something that wasn't meant for a classroom or paycheck. I've missed this. I've missed the ability to sit and write at my computer about the things that matter to me, or thoughts that cross my mind. However, I was inspired by a loss my family and I suffered recently... a young cousin of mine, so talented and promising and kind, whom for whatever reason saw it fit to leave us at 25years old.
Upon hearing about her passing.... I was shocked. Completely shook to my core. We weren't very close. I hadn't seen her much in my adult life beyond facebook... our great-grandmother's funeral... and occasionally in commercials or performing on tv. But I followed her successes (and clicked the 'like' button on things she'd post on facebook), as well as proudly telling others of my talented younger cousin who was on her way to stardom. I always figured we had time to reconnect... to get to know each other one day.
We as humans have this remarkable ability to be both conscience of time and the inevitability of death, and still feel immortal at the same time. We know that no one can out run it, yet don't think about it happening to us or the ones we know and love... especially at such a young age. In the last 5 years I've lost four family members... two great-grandmothers, one of which who lived to be 97year old and the other who lived to be 101year old; and two cousins, one to cancer and now another to suicide. I'm not going to go into the details of her death. I'm not going to try to speculate her motives, thought process, or state-of-mind... nor that of anyone who gets to the point where they've come to the conclusion that suicide is an option. I only wish that she could have seen that strife always passes, bad times become better, and how many people loved her and were inspired by her. She accomplished so much in 25 years, and touched so many... I can only imagine how many more she would have inspired had she made it through her low.
This past Saturday I attended her funeral. The church was packed with friends and family, who came from near and far. I got to hear stories about her from a few of the people whose lives she touched, heard songs sung to perfection in her honor. It was both beautiful and incredibly sad. I wasn't even able to speak to her mother, because every time I looked her way I felt the gravity of her loss and couldn't compose myself. Death reminds us of the fragility of life. Whether from old age, illness, or accident... it reminds us of the urgency of our plans, hopes, dreams, and wishes.... We don't have forever. Things that are important to us, can't wait 'til that ever elusive tomorrow. That 'one day'. Death reminds us of the importance of our actions, our words, our lives... the lasting impression we leave on others and this world. Life is irreplaceable and death is final. You never know when you will feel its loss, or be the one who is... and for this reason, life is beautiful and how we live it matters.
Words can not express the loss I feel for the cousin I never will have the chance to truly get to know, and a tomorrow that will never come.
Rest in peace Simone.